Quotes from the Road- a tribute to traveling stupidity

This might not be very funny for anyone who has not been traveling with me, but I had to throw it in there for those of you who have if anyone is reading this. Names have been left out to protect the guilty.

"That is so nice of you to come all the way from the US to Africa to see my house"- old woman in rural Kenya"
"Aren't you worried about getting caught?" "This is Africa." - Talking to a Nigerian gem smuggler in Ethiopia
"Safari? Boat trip? Leaf of Wisdom?"- rasta guy in Tanzania
"It's just what you do, you try goat in Kenya, you get a Lady Boy in Thailand." - Kenya
"No, it’s cool, some people bring home stray puppies, you bring home refugees." - Kenya
"When you see something beautiful don't you want to keep looking at it?" "You can't talk to me that way, I'm from the US where romance is dead."- Egypt
"What kind of protection will we have?" "A jeep full of soldiers"- Tutsi rebel on the Congo border
"You're doing what? You are absolutely insane, do you have a death wish?- Marine at the embassy in Rwanda
“Here’s our guns and here’s our cock.”- South Africa
“Want some cheese?”- South Africa
“HELLO! Where’s Jesus?”- South Africa
"Girls don't get drunk, they get tired and confused." South Africa
"When you brought us coffee in our tent, I felt some sort of love for you I have never felt for anyone before." Patagonia
"No, I can't say it. Damm. I have a bad taste in my mouth. Actually, I think a unicorn died somewhere." Patagonia
"Matame guayavo, matame ya que el amor no pudo"- India
"Lasst uns wandern gehen!" - Swaziland
"It's been a while since I had a good meat sweat." Morocco
"Men on bicycles shouldn't be so forward"- India
"The next time I go backpacking I'm bringing a suitcase"- Argentina
"Come on, you know this, no grabbing, no licking, these are the rules of the jungle."- Bolivia
“I had some distractions, I was too busy gaining 20 lbs and sleeping with everyone I saw”- Chile
“Well, he’s just human like anyone else. “Which is a good thing.” “Yeah, I wouldn’t want him to be an alien or something.” “Unless he had a vibrating penis or something”- Chile
“That’s why I love hooking up with you, I never know where your tongue has been. And you never stop thinking about food”- Argentina
“Poor water molecules. Do you ever think about them? They’re like, damm, I’m stuck in a glacier. I can’t move, eh eh, let me out. Woo hoo, I’m free. Yay! I’m in a river. Uh oh, I’m stuck. I’m in jell-o, but I can kinda jiggle.”- Patagonia, referring to our glacier water jell-o
“What I really like is how completely unrelated things are taped to things in grocery stores here. Like you buy a box of cereal and get a deodorant for free.”- Guatemala
“So how did you learn English?” “Well, I learned it because it’s the official international language for Viking re-enactment.”- Panama
“dolphins are just gay sharks”- Boat captain in Colombia
“I train horses, yes, but I am not a horse trainer, there is a big difference!”- South Africa
“I wish I was cool enough to have a nickname from a drink.” “Well, we can start tonight, what are you drinking? That can be your nickname.” Silence. “What are you drinking?” “A Panty Ripper.”- Belize
“Well, my underwater theme music. . .” -Belize
“Oheeo. I have heard it is the most magical place in the world. I want to go there.” “Oheeo?” “Yes, where Obama is from.” “Ohio? Oh Obama.” - Uganda
"No I am not jealous. Honestly, he is a porter, how much do you think he makes? Look at us: oil, finance."- Nepal

And the rest are just too inappropriate to put up there (especially with Rachel). And I know there are some amazing ones I have forgotten which makes me sad. But I want to thank each and every person I got to know on this trip and the others. It is amazing how close you can get to people so quickly and cheesy as it sounds, it’s true, only you can understand that little bit of my life and me with yours, and part of my heart will always be with you. So prost, salud, cheers, shucram, skal, viva, kampai and l’chaim.