Ok, I admit it. I have one of those personalities that is drawn to danger. I need constant adrenaline in my life. I get through various ways. At school I used to thrive on finals week, not wanting to study for a test until the very last minute when there was this do-or-die feeling of having to learn everything in a caffeine-fueled night. I know it's not the best way to learn, but hey, it helped with my fix. I love the rush of a deadline in journalism, the craziness of having to put something on air so you are running to the production room with a tape in hand right at the last minute. I love every extreme sport I have ever tried. And I am convinced that I want to work in a conflict zone. I like to think that this is not for the sheer adrenaline but because I see how I could have more impact on helping others in that sense, and I love the clarity that comes with danger. And part of me wants to understand what so much of the world lives with, yet at the same time I am glad that it is incomprehensible to me.
Yes, I do like danger. But I have no death wish and I fully intend on keeping all my limbs and to have no lasting injuries. Being raped is my worst nightmare. And I am afraid of cars. Some of the things that I saw in Africa and in a few other countries I will never put down on paper, some of them bring a shadow of reality to this illusion of danger and will haunt my consciousness forever while others I have repressed so far that they only come back to me in dreams and I know more lurk beneath but I will never go digging for them. So yes, I am drawn to danger and I have my limits.
I would never be as naive as to think that I have experienced danger as those who are unfortunate enough to live in it. And if I was forced to live in such circumstances I am sure my attitude would be entirely different. Yes, I know that the desire for danger, much like boredom and feeling too full are only feelings of luxury, of desires from being brought up in an ideal condition. And I know how incredibly selfish it sounds (and that my desire to go alone to Afghanistan broke up a good relationship) but I am just being honest.
I was struck by a passage I read not too long ago by John le Carre, “In my writing I have sometimes felt an obligation to share the pains I try to report on. Occasionally I have obtained some passing sense of absolution by taking risks and saying to myself afterwards, 'Wow, that was REALLY close' or 'That could have been the end of me.' But the cure doesn't last. In the end I remained a war tourist, an observer, not a participant, never a victim. I always had a valid passport and a return ticket in my rucksack, and a wad of dollars in my money belt. I was only vising. In the scale of human suffering, I did not even qualify for a mention.”
And I have been in some sketchy situations, though nowhere near as bad as they good be. I look back at many, many instances in my travels where I just don't understand how I survived, and I only did because of the kindness of the local people that I met. I am very lucky. But I also try not to be stupid. It is only in retrospect sometimes that I realize how lucky I have been and how close some calls have been too. And I am realizing that “Well, I am sure I went through worse in Africa,” though often true, is not the best way to approach things. South America has some dangers too.
In Quito, it was only me and one guy that had not been robbed in our entire hostel. And one night we were sitting around talking when we heard this popping sound outside.
"That's gunfire." A guy said.
"There is no way that is gunfire, those are fireworks." I replied.
"No, that is gunfire, I have grown up with guns my whole life." he retorted.
"No way, it is too close and we are right downtown and there is way too much of it, what are they shooting 30 people or something?"
Then the guy that works at reception at the hostel crawled into the room on his belly as we were arguing and said, "Can you please get down, that is gunfire and they aren't aiming at us but in a rare case there could be a stray bullet."
Ok.
Also, I have been hearing all these stories lately of people being robbed, my friend in Peru just lost everything. I hesitate to write this down because I don't want to jinx myself. But there is this general climate of danger that I sometimes notice in my life, I did right before leaving for Ethiopia and Sudan when people were being beaten in Kenya by the security guards at the nearby prison. And I got myself all worked up after my friend was beaten nearly to death, there seemed to be this darkness just hanging around. But I took a deep breath and continued on and it was fine, it so far always has been and I hope it continues to be so. I have learned it is important to exercise caution (I will take a taxi just a few blocks because I have a bus that leaves at 4:30am when I wouldn't normally do that), but to not live in fear.
And I think that so much of fear is self-induced. I traveled Central America a few years ago and it was fine (albeit for a couple horrific experiences in El Salvador that I won't mention but that was some of the closest calls I have had, but ONLY in that country, oh, and a sort of knife incident in Nicaragua/Honduras border but that turned out totally fine and it was nothing but a threat). So other than those few isolated incidents, I felt completely safe, and only just in the last few months learned that Central America is considered far more dangerous than South America! I am glad that I didn't know that at the time because I think that can influence an experience so much.
Adding to this climate of fear is the fact that I am about to enter Colombia, not because I am afraid but because other people make it sound like I should be afraid. First of all, Colombia has an undue bad reputation. It is just as safe for travelers as any other country in South America. And every single person that I have met that has been there has said that is their favorite country. That being said, the South is where the FARC and guerrillas are the most active and there have been problems recently, like this week. So there is this one stretch of road from Ipiales at the border to Cali that I am worried about because trucks were torched yesterday. Most of the people I have met have flown over this part of road. BUT, what can you do? Where do you draw that line?
The stories that float around hostels don't help. Impossible to decipher between travel-lore and truth, because each person I meet swears it happened to a friend, on any route with travelers there are bound to be the same recycled stories.
So I will only repeat the ones that I have been told that have happened first hand to people that I trust. In the last two months, one friend was the only gringo on a bus in Southern Colombia that was robbed. Everyone on the bus had their money stolen. The gringo had his I-pod around his neck and all his money on him, but the paramilitary or whomever it was that robbed them all didn't take a single thing from him. He told him to get back on the bus because this does not involve him.
Farther up north, a group of tourists, including a guy that I met, were on a tour in a mini-van. They got pulled over by men with machine guns and it seemed like the company had not paid off the right people in this instance. The driver and the tour guide were both shot and the bodies thrown in the back with the tourists who were then driven to the nearest police station and delivered unharmed. Horrific, yes. Sad and screwed up, definitely. But the point is, Colombia, though it may not be safe everywhere for Colombians which is absolutely tragic, seems to be safe for foreigners. And to be fair, I think these are very rare instances and I do think that Colombia will be VERY safe.
And despite these cases, everyone else that I met absolutely loved Colombia and had nothing bad to say about it and had no trouble.
Colombia is the country that I have most looked forward to on my trip and I am ready to go. So with a bit of apprehension about this road in the south, I bought my bus ticket yesterday. I told people in my hostel afterwards and they all said that I shouldn't go because now buses in Cali are being attacked because of some political turmoil. The few people I met that came from Colombia flew over this southern part. But after careful scouring of the newspapers and travel alerts I found no information about this. So who do you believe?
My point of all of this is, where do you draw the line in travel? Like I said, I have taken plenty of risks and always been OK. Has it been luck or have things just been over-hyped? Yes, I travel to exciting countries because they are exciting. This isn't a summer in Europe type of trip. That isn't my style at this point in my life. So when do you hold your breath and go, and when do you believe the hype? 99% of the time, things work out just fine. And the hint of danger adds to the appeal But only the hint, not the reality.
So I am going for it because I do think the danger is over-rated and I am almost positive that it will be fine. But it is a strange climate to make decisions in. And, because I am just a little bit superstitious, I am writing this blog before I leave tomorrow morning, but I am not posting it until I arrive safely in Medellin!
