Headed Back (Turkey, Bulgaria)

I can't believe how much has happened in the last 3 1/2 months and how quickly they have gone by. I never in my wildest dreams thought I would be headed back to Boulder so soon, but I have to go with the flow and trust. I hope the next step brings me closer to a career. Right now I am just a jumble of feelings and a bit of a mess. I know I haven't been gone that long but returning to Boulder is always so strange. There is a very different feeling to it than I had returning from Asia, or more recently, from Africa.
I still feel lot with where I want to go or how to get to the next stage of my life, but happy with the feeling that I am loving my life so much and living it to the fullest. But mostly I'm sad at how quickly this time is going by. It doesn't feel real. It's strange and a bit sad when I can't imagine how I want my life to be. It's sad that travel can't last forever when it is the best and most important part of my life. In my last couple days I find myself trying to soak up every moment. I try to squeeze out every last contrast of the places I'm in, one last glimmer of light, scent, or foreign word. One of my favorite quotes is, "Every place has its own hidden room, it's up to you to find it."
Istanbul, especially is full of hidden rooms. I keep finding them in fishermen under the bridge, a delicate painting under the curl of a roof in an old building. I love the unexpected moments that come with travel. They are like air to me, a person who gets tremendously stressed by routine, I will miss life on the road. I could go anywhere. I never know who I will meet. I feel like this tiny speck on a huge globe and nobody knows who I am or where I am. I feel utterly alone, but strong in myself. The adrenaline, freedom, learning, new people and places, unexpectedness, adventure and contrasts of travel are what I thrive on. It's hard to go home and not meet friendly people from all over the world all the time or see things I've only ever read about in books. Riding on the train through the Bulgarian countryside today, I felt happy and for no reason but my own, having noting to do with anyone else. That's the best kind of happy. I will miss the generosity and curiosity I encounter every day as I explore this strange world we walk in. It's the simple things, like the boy I met waiting for a train in Turkey who wanted to practice his few years of English on me and was just curious about what I was doing. After a simple exchange and I had to be on my way, he gave me his bookmark as a gift.
I may have gotten lost looking for hidden rooms in Plodiv, Bulgaria, but that's the best things about not knowing where I am supposed to be going, I suppose I can't really get lost in the end, only found.
Recently I've realized how little I actually have to lose at this point in my life and there is something incredibly freeing in that. I am having the time of my lie and wouldn't' change a thing. There are more and more moments when I catch myself and think that there is nowhere else I would rather be than in this very moment.
So I am scared about how I will make a living and a life in this world, but I am so grateful for the life I've had so far. I have seen so much. I may not have a lot, but what I do have, the memories of the places I have been and things I have seen and people i have met, those can't be taken away. They are building a lifetime. I can only hope that in the next step of my travels things will become more clear and remember there is more to his journey. If I am still unclear next time I'm headed home then I can (and probably will) have a nervous breakdown. But for now, I'm happy to be here, sad this part is ending, but I trust that the next will be even better. As for life now, I really can't complain!