A Beautiful Darkness (Ethiopia)

Ethiopia. The name holds as much excitement and mystery as I felt in the country itself. Ethiopia. Addis Ababa; words that sound so foreign on my tongue. I can't believe I'm really here.
Starting at the beginning. I made my way to Nairobi, talked some politics with the locals, there which never ceases to amuse me, bought "The Nation", which is the local paper that I love to devour, and headed for the airport. I’m sitting in the terminal and I flip to the international section. Front page of that is an article about how Ethiopia and Eritrea are expected to be at war in the next couple of weeks. I immediately decided to change my itinerary so I could head up north and see if I could be of use covering the story.
Just being in the airport had an air of excitement to me. These places in Africa feel like the big leagues. I sat by the line of people boarding flights to Khartoum and imagined what they would be doing there, searching their faces for answers. Once the flight boarded I returned to my gate destined for Addis Ababa. I met some interesting people on the way. I had a beer with a mercenary from Belgium. I befriended a man from the U.K., an ex-military turned private security officer. I felt a wave of awe mixed with jealousy as I listened to the cavalier way he described his recent assignments in Indonesia, Pakistan, Iraq, Sudan and Afghanistan. He was on his way to Somalia. He looked shocked when I told him I didn’t have syringes in my medical kit and was kind enough to make me up a kit when we landed so that if I ever need medical attention I have my own needles and all.
We chatted in the line at customs as I asked question after question about his incredible life and all his travels. When we left, this private security contractor who has been to all the hells that exist in our world turned to me and said, “You know, I really admire you. You are extremely brave to be doing what you are doing and if I were you, I don’t think I would have the guts to go to these places alone.” I am not sure if that is a compliment or something to worry about!
Getting my luggage I saw people from the African Union and I met the senior state department official in charge of peacekeeping in Africa. I was beside myself, that is celebrity status for me. Between the likes of the people I met in the airport and all the NGO/UN vehicles I saw in the country, I have this overwhelming sense of excitement and ambition. This feels like the center of the world, the place to be. All the people I met were journalists, aid workers, diplomats, security, WFP, CARE, etc. It is like my version of Hollywood! I encountered a few travelers, but almost all were years older having been to the far corners of the world, the most hardened of travelers. They were definitely the most hard-core travelers I met. I hope to someday return as a journalist or with one of those organizations. I watched with jealously as the journalists compared notes. I peered into the UN Landcruisers and wondered what it would be like to be inside.
I spent a good deal of time with a precious gem dealer from Nigeria. He explained to me how the illegal system works. I asked if he was afraid he’d get caught. He laughed at me and said, “This is Africa!”
Here in Ethiopia, I have found this sense of lawlessness. I both fear it and am captivated by it. I imagine myself one day returning as a professional. This is the wild Africa, more of what I expected than I found in the more touristed country of Kenya. (Though Meru is not touristy).
I feel like everything here lies in a precarious balance. It’s like a spider-web; the delicate strings could be broken with enough force, but it is stronger than it appears and can just as easily be reinforced and rebuilt. I feel the lawlessness and chaos, but also an incredible depth of culture and history. Most of all in this strange kind of beauty, I see strength and potential, a deepness and wildness I haven’t found anywhere else that keeps me infatuated with the wildness that encompasses the dark Africa.
I feel myself captivated and drawn in by this type of darkness. I think I will be back because it feels like under the surface things are happening here.